I am now in my third month of involuntarily growing a mullet, and as my hair is getting longer, it is starting to curl up at the ends, forming a sort of Triceratops frill. Barbershops in the area are set to reopen tomorrow on a limited basis, but I will probably wait a while for the initial reopening chaos to subside.
When/if this pandemic ends, I am going to miss Coronavirus Traffic. It’s not just that I have an easier time getting around on the rare occasions that I drive somewhere. The whole feeling of outdoor suburban life seems to have changed. There are few cars on the streets, people are out walking their dogs, children are riding bicycles. It’s almost as if we’ve gone back to the Fifties. Of course, I wasn’t around in the Fifties, so I’m basing that observation on the impression of the Fifties that I formed by watching reruns of Leave It to Beaver as a child in the Eighties.
I will not, however, miss Coronavirus News. I used to love relaxing with the local television news, back when the news was all about murders, fires, accidents, wars, and political conflicts. But now that the news is only about the coronavirus, there is nothing relaxing in the experience. And I have to wonder how much non-virus news is being ignored.
The content of television news of the last few months would break down something like this:
1% Somebody saying, “We’re going to get through this.”
93% Newscasters trying very, very, very hard to convince us that we’re not going to get through this.
6% Weather
The two above opinions converge with the recent death of Eddie Haskell, or, rather, the actor who play him, Ken Osmond, who helped create my Leave It to Beaver-inspired concept of the Fifties, and whose death was mostly unreported due to the coronavirus dominating the news.
