Thursday, April 22, 2010

Roll the Bones

I went to the dentist on Tuesday. He said that I have the jawbone of a fifteen-year-old. Apparently, as one gets older, the bone structure of one's jaws degrades significantly. But the bone structure of my jaws has not degraded, for whatever reason.

The condition of my bones is not newsworthy in and of itself. What stands out to me is that if I say I have the jawbone of a fifteen-year-old, it sounds as if I buried the other parts in the woods.

Thursday, April 15, 2010

It's the Eye of the Turtle, It's the Thrill of the Fight

In addition to starting a blog, a recent goal of mine has been to create a Flickr page for my photographs. If I did that, I could cross-post the pictures here, giving the blog a much-needed graphical element. Unfortunately, as with many things that I want to do, I haven't had the time or the energy. Until I can get the Flickr page established, this close-up of the head of a Red-bellied Turtle (Pseudemys rubriventris) will have to suffice.

Saturday, April 10, 2010

Saturday Night Live-Blogging Considered

Sometimes I think that I should live-blog something. Live-blogging is the process of watching an event, usually on television, and posting commentary on a blog in real time as the event unfolds. Live-blogging is often used by political bloggers for things like Presidential debates.

One candidate for live-blogging would be Saturday Night Live, a new episode of which airs in a few minutes. Of course, live-blogging Saturday Night Live in its current state would probably consist of writing That wasn't very good over and over. Also, I like to eat during the show, and then sometimes play my keyboard when I am done eating, and too much multi-tasking can ruin a man.

Tonight the show is hosted by Tina Fey, with musical guest Justin Bieber. (I cannot resist linking to the Justin Bieber official site, but please understand that I am only linking ironically.) If I were writing for the show, I would suggest a cold open in which a middle-aged man visits his doctor, complaining of high temperature, sore throat, heart palpitations, etc. The doctor would diagnosis the patient with severe Bieber Fever, and ask the patient if he had been listening to the music of and watching the videos of Justin Bieber. The patient would say that he hadn't, but that he had been bitten by a tick.

"That'll do it too," the doctor would say. Then he would get out a medical book to look up how to treat his patient. At that moment, the other cast members would burst into the room, wearing surgical scrubs, and busting out their best hip-hop dance moves, all the while jubilantly singing, "There is no reliever for the Bieber fever!!"

As the musical number builds to a fevered pitch, one of the cast members, probably Andy Samberg, would point at these same words written in giant letters on a poster, using a telescoping metal pointer. Then the music and dancing would end, and the patient would collapse lifeless on the examination table.

"He is dead," the doctor would say, "and live from New York, it's Saturday Night!"

Realistically, I predict , of course, a Tina Fey Sarah Palin sketch . . . and maybe something along the lines of Leave It To Bieber.

Thursday, April 8, 2010

A New and Exciting Lizard

Biologists have announced the discovery of a six-foot-long fruit-eating monitor lizard from the Philippines. It is called the Northern Sierra Madre Forest Monitor Lizard. (In case anyone is confused here, it refers to the monitor lizard, not the Philippines. The monitor lizard is called the Northern Sierra Madre Forest Monitor Lizard. The Philippines are called the Philippines.)

When I read the headline Philippines Dragon-Sized Lizard Is a New Species, I was hoping for an animal that would truly rival the size of the Komodo Dragon. But at six feet and only twenty-two pounds, the newly-discovered reptile is quite a bit smaller than its Indonesian cousin, which can grow to ten feet long and several hundred pounds.

Although I am not one to court controversy, I will go on record as saying that the world needs more giant lizards.

Sunday, April 4, 2010

Personally I Am Not That Hungry

I haven't written anything here in a while, so I thought that I'd note something interesting that I read recently. Scientists have released a fly in Florida whose larvae eat the brains of fire ants, a pest accidentally introduced from South America.

This is good news, unless of course you are a fire ant. But I doubt that fire ants read this blog, so I am probably safe.